


Tearing at my Lungs, Clutching at my Heart

by Yujae_Walking



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, Kiho is precious, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, all have to do with love in this case, rose colors represent emotions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 15:32:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13297845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yujae_Walking/pseuds/Yujae_Walking
Summary: Hanahaki Disease marked the death of one sided love.It was Kihyun's turn to decide whether his love for Hoseok would decay with his body or the freedom of his lungs.





	Tearing at my Lungs, Clutching at my Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Blood is disclosed, nothing heavy or gory, but it still comes up---so I wanted to be safe and leave a little warning.

_“The true beauty of a rose is not the silk petals or delicate scent...the beauty is the colored reflection of one's heart.”_

 

          The words were those of his mother. As a young boy he never really analyzed her words, never really understood his mother’s words since it always seemed over complicated or odd. However, he was older now and his lungs were now held hostage by a garden of white roses, it strangely reminded him of his mother's rose garden and the words she spouted about flowers when he joined her on sunny spring days.

 

**_:~:~:~:~:_ **

 

          The start was quite simple, they meet at the beginning of fall. Kihyun was a fairly new trainee at Starship; he carried a hostile aura and for the most part uninterested in socializing, he was here to train to debut not to make friends. Hoseok was the first trainee to approach the younger with a genuine smile, to praise him for having a beautiful voice, and to try to get to know him.

 

          Slowly Hoseok became more than a fellow trainee, he became a friend, a source of comfort, and Kihyun's support system. By mid-winter they would often find themselves sneaking out in the cover of night to hang out with another or to find refuge from loneliness and homesickness in each other's arms. Somewhere along those chilly nights spent talking while swaying on local park swings, scavenging for convenience stores that sold packaged ramen at 3:00 A.M and being held tightly in Hoseok's arms, had changed Kihyun. It felt as if something began to bloom in his chest making his heart beat at erratic paces, his skin ache from every gentle touch, his cheeks burnt from every endearing word and his lungs stunted from the older's presence. All were the hauntingly beautiful effects of Shin Hoseok.

 

**_:~:~:~:~:_ **

 

          Everyone solely knew of red roses portraying love, beauty and romance. They were the flower that told the receiver of your love for them, hints why couples often bought red roses for one another. Kihyun's mom told him what every color expressed, so when he began to wheeze and cough up white rose petals he was reminded of his mother's babbling, _“white roses express unity, virtue, and the pureness of a new love.”_ It brought a sense of comfort to be towed back to such childhood memories. Moments had passed in a calm silence until his head was forced down to let his lungs expel his trachea’s current captor; pure white rose petals scattered across his baby blue sheets. All comfort seemed to leave his body with each delicate petal, only to be replaced by fear. No scientific theory he had ever read could explain flower petals being expelled in such a way from a human being. He felt the need to hide such an obscurity from his band members; which was difficult due to the living arrangement and difficult for his heart. It throbbed with remorse every time he had to reject the comforts of Hoseok's arms at night.

 

**_:~:~:~:~:_ **

 

          It was innocent at first, like the first pigment of the rose petals. As time passed, his lungs began to have random sharp pains, his coughs were more brutal and forced out white petals stained with splatters of crimson red. Kihyun reasoned that it was probably blood, he had no idea how blood had gotten involved with his flower purging problem but either way it wasn't a good sign, blood being hacked out of your body was never a good sign.

 

          The bloody petals continued to be more heavily decorated with Kihyun's blood; it was getting harder for him to breath while singing or dancing, both his body and throat felt strained. He wasn't sure what was occurring or if it was wise to see a doctor or tell a bandmate. He was too afraid of being alienated from society or verifying it was really as bad as it felt, so he disregarded the prior ideas. Nights were now spent in the bathroom letting himself drowned in his tears and the blood speckled rose petals.

****

**_:~:~:~:~:_ **

 

          Hoseok found out, he was up to get a glass of water around 3:23 A.M. All seemed fine, until he heard faint whimpers of misery. Hoseok followed the sound, ending up at the bathroom door. The mannered gesture of knocking seemed to slip his mind once the muffled hacking sound grew louder behind the bathroom door. Swiftly nudging the door open reveal a scene that would haunt him; the moonlight creeping through the small bathroom window illuminated the sickly pale skin of the petite figure, cramped between the bathtub and toilet, clinging to the porcelain rimming of  the toilet. Hoseok found himself weakly calling out to the familiar figure, “Kihyun…”

 

          The younger gazed up from his hunched position, unveiling glossy brown orbs consumed with fear, chin tarnished by trickled smudges of blood. Trudging towards the younger, to examine the cause and severity of the bleeding, only provoked the younger’s body to tremble. “Kihyun it's okay, calm down everything is fine,” Hoseok tried to sooth the other, but his reassurance to the younger fell flat when the younger broke out into a cough, dislodging white rose petals, tainted by a nauseously familiar shade of red, in a sea of air. Hoseok had never been in a situation like this before, never imaged a human could splutter up the same petals which bloomed on the sturdy stem of a rose. It was all so intriguing, yet alarming. Advancing forward Hoseok began to sit near the smaller, extending his arms to pull him into his lap and cradle his shaking form.

 

**_:~:~:~:~:_ **

 

          There are thousands of places Kihyun rather be than in the waiting area of an emergency room...the room was suffocating, reeking of disinfectant and scattered with people in dire conditions. If Hoseok didn't have his arm so firmly wrapped around his waist he would´veran, ran away from his fluttering heartbeat and diagnoses to come. “Yoo Kihyun,” the stern voice cut through Kihyun’s prior thoughts, making way for a new one, formed from panic. _“I’m not ready.”_

 

          Time refused to halt, refused Kihyun the chance to collect himself, to breath in the limited amount of air his lungs could hold. Hoseok seemed to recognize Kihyun’s panicked state, thus he began to take on the situation at hand. Gently, slotting his right arm under the youngers knees, securing his left arm a bit tighter around his waist only to rise from his seat, hoisting the smaller to his chest. The new position lead Kihyun to wrap his arms around his neck, seeking safety in Hoseok’s arms.

 

**_:~:~:~:~:_ **

 

 _“Mr. Yoo, I regret to inform you that after examining your current state, I have found that you have contracted a rare disease....Hanahaki Disease. Hanahaki Disease is unique, in terms of the cause and symptoms. The cause being one sided love. The most prominent symptom being the coughing and throwing up of flower petals; due to flowering plants growing in the lungs, damaging tissue and preventing airflow._ _The disease can lead to the death of the one suffering from one sided love, however that can be prevented through surgery or the one sided love becoming two sided. Judging by the amount of blood infused with the petals...you only a short window of time to make this decision,”_

 

          The Doctor’s diagnosis continued to echo in Kihyun’s head, but instead of his thoughts fading gently as a shout down a tunnel would, it throbbed only becoming louder as each minute passed. The end was near. This one sided love would end, but at what cost. A confession leading to rejection and then death or surgery that would remove the garden of roses slowly ripping his lungs apart along with every romantic feeling Hoseok ever made him feel. Kihyun wasn’t dense as soon as one sided love was mentioned he could only think of one particular smile, he was in love with Hoseok and that only seemed to make the decision harder.

 

_"As the petals reddened his love deepened, his soul on the other hand weakened...his mother always said red roses conveyed deep emotions, love being one...Deep red, she warned, marked heartfelt regret and sorrow."_


End file.
